50:365

This morning, on my drive to work, I could only whisper to myself: “Life is so temporary.”

Everything in life. Everything I endure… EVERYTHING is so temporary. I will never be the same. Nothing stays the same. Everything is constantly changing.

So, in that, why do we expect things to “stay the same?”

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It’s been four months since I broke up with J. It feels like forever ago that I was with him. I feel like I have completely changed and gone through more in the past four months than I really have at any other point in my life.

Yet, why is it that, when we see someone after a long period of time, we associate who they were in their past life as the person they are in this life?

Why am I so stuck on who people USED TO BE rather than who they ARE NOW?

As I contemplate this, I am applying to schools back in Washington. I miss home. I miss my family. I miss the rain. I miss the subtle hints of everything. Yet, I fear going back to the place where everyone knows who I used to be. Everyone associates 18 year old Colleen with the 24 year old I stand here today. I have changed SO MUCH in six years. I dated. I got my heart broken. I found and lost my religion. I made friends. I made enemies. I graduated college. I got my first REAL teaching job. I got a cat. I went through HUGE transitions…

Will anyone see that?

And why do I care?

Why do I care about that?

Why do I care what other people have to say?!

If only I could predict the future.

Will you still see me as I was  yesterday?

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4 thoughts on “50:365

  1. After being away for 5 years and going back for only a few weeks every year I am off to home for at least a month maybe two before Australia and I’m nervous. Every time I’ve been home I have realized more and more I’m not the same, but home still is. You will lose people you thought would always be friends, you will become friends with people you thought would never be in your life, but most of all you will realize home is home. Keep your head high and if they don’t see the change its their loss. Just keep striving to grow and learn from life.

  2. Well you always got your cousins here! Haha your kinda stuck with us. 🙂 Visit home soon, or maybe I’ll come visit you for a change. I’ve always wanted to travel to the east
    coast. 🙂

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