I’ve been crazy for about 15 years. I’ve never been a thin girl. In today’s society, if you aren’t thin, you aren’t healthy. So, I assumed I have never had good health. I’ve never been worthy of love. To make matters worse, I would eat garbage until I was full and puke it up later. That was my life until about 11th grade.
It’s been almost 10 years since I stopped loathing myself and starting loving myself. I have this condition in my colon that has a lot to do with eating right. It has a lot to do with being active. Most of all, it has a lot to do with MENTALLY feeling fit.
Like I said: I’ve been crazy for about 15 years.
Mentally, something didn’t seem right. I didn’t connect with most kids. I couldn’t hear or listen to instructions. I could never sit still. I was unhealthy. Later, I was diagnosed with AD(H)D and some anxiety. At 24 years of age, I can still taste the pills that made me sane. I can still remember the way I felt walking down the white walls of junior high. I can remember the zombie-like states I would be in where my personality was white-washed over.
I was not okay.
I’ve learned to live with my ADHD. I no longer need medication, but I can still feel it creeping in at times. I eat a lot better than I used to. I am a strict gluten-free diet. I have to work out at least 4 times a week. If I don’t get enough sleep every night, I grow anxious and want to punch everything.
People always ask what my niche is.
I’m a human with all these issues, but I will NEVER let it stop me from my own goals and dreams. I deserve happiness. I deserve someone that loves me. I deserve a career and a blue house with a fenced yard for my 4 kids and dog to play in. I deserve a family that isn’t torn apart by indifference. I deserve it. I will never let myself-my crazy- to get in the way of myself.
So, I will dance to the rhythm of my own heart and no fucks will be given.